How to waste time on Netflix:
-watch the first ten minutes of multiple shitty movies
-search for movies that aren’t on Netflix
-watch movies only to realize that you’ve already seen them

There is not one episode of Dr Phil where he doesn’t say “I wrote a new book called Life Code, published by my son’s Jay’s publishing company, and it is on the New York Best Sellers Lost”

We’re still boiling water here in Montreal. Put people cannot fathom boiling water, so they’ve raced out and bought out stores’ entire bottled water collection. So the smartass on the news last night said “when was the last time an island’s inhabitants were worried about not having water?”

humor-us:

it could be raining men and id still be single

(via teammacfarlane)

mommyfearest:

will someone PLEASE explain to me how the oscars “we saw your boobs” was in ANY WAY sexist because i don’t fucking understand this at all

how

is 

it

sexist

…we did see their boobs. 

(via inspieos)

peevesies:

i went down to the middle school today for relay for life and i saw my old social studies teacher i had a crush on (don’t talk to me) and he was like “hey how are you i haven’t seen you in ages?” and the first thing i blurted out was “I JUST TURNED 18” and jesus christ if that’s not the thirstiest thing i’ve said in my whole life

(via aphroditetakos)

shampood:

swaggiesauceandyolos:

shampood:

my mom just looked me straight in the eye an said ” Anna, never be a lesbian”

wow what a homophobic bitch

my mom is married to a woman

(Source: dankrnemes, via noduhitscaryn)

thefaultsinourself:

densofaxis:

the swim team at my school was able to slip in “we go in hard and come out wet” in the yearbook and the yearbook people didn’t realize it until it was too late so they put stickers over that part but everyone’s taking that shit off

that is beautiful

(via aphroditetakos)

(Source: vanehwasreal, via vasilisperm)

(Source: pleatedjeans, via definef0rever)

tyleroakley:

30-Year-Old Recreates His 20-Year-Old Self’s ‘Landslide’ Interpretive Dance In Undies

(Source: hartzprod)

everythingelsegoesherethen:

nerdfighter13812:

itsxandy:

disneymoviesandfacts:

According to the animators for Flynn, he’s meant to be 26 years old, thus making him 8 years older than Rapunzel, who is 18 in the film - the largest age gap between any other Disney couple.

Kida’s 8,800-ish with Milo’s 32, that’s… an 8,768 year age gap?

Can we just appreciate that Milo’s reaction is basically how tumblr girls feel about the men they stalk?

I CAN’T EVEN DENY IT OH MY GOD

(via aphroditetakos)

joeywaggoner:

I didn’t get this joke until I was 16.

(Source: itsjusa, via aphroditetakos)

lizzlemcguizzle:

i take you to the candy shop

(via jubblebutt)

If you watch Criminal Minds and don’t ship Morgan and Garcia, something is wrong with you.